If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
