Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
