That's when you crack a 10am beer
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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