got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
love makes seman taste better
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
