God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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