ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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