Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
