Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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