Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Four minutes until I can fart!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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