I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
