Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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