I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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