If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
