I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
two words...techno handjob
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
