Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
