i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
