She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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