He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
