I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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