She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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