Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
