When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
