it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
soo... how was my night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
