i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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