hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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