Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
