She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize