In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
