You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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