ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's official drugs can't kill me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
