if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize