i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
