Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
