she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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