My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
