i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
