so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
