Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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