...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
