Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
