I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
