You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
