I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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