Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
