i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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