Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
