im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
