I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
