I wish I could teleport
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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