I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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