Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
