Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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