she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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