if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
