Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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