So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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