he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
