someone threw a dead crab at me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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