And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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