saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
