I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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