It's Friday. Sex?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
