i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize