like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
