I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
