Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
