aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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