It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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