Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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