She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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