Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
