I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize