Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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