Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i need some magic done to my vagina
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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