ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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