a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
