I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
