I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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