So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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