yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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