So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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