i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
