fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
