I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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