Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
