$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
