I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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