He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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