so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
